If you have read a single post I have ever written (or browsed/perused/glanced over, i'll settle for any of them) you have probably figured out I'm a pretty happy guy. To crack as many jokes as I do, I pretty much have to be. I like to consider myself 'easy going,' although a certain ex-girlfriend who shall remain nameless has gone as far as to say I'm "too insensitive" due to how little I let things bother me. Truth is, I just like to laugh, and any minute you're not smiling on this earth is pretty much a minute wasted. That, and I think that chick just loved misery.

So it should come as no surprise that I'm the kind of guy who has a touchdown dance for just about anything. In college I spent just as much time working on my outfit/goal celebrations as I did actually practicing soccer. (It was Division 3, it was all good.) But in most cases, this spills over to my everyday life. I land a huge paycheck? Walk it out. Get called in for a production job? Take it back to Harlem. Real talk, I could find a stray $20 in my jacket and I'm liable to pause, step, and do the reject. (Do the reject, do the do the reject).

I like to think I'm not alone on this. I really can't be, because there are actually WAY more extreme celebrations going on out there. This was only fully brought to my attention during a recent mid-day sober up session while watching awful daytime television. Enough so that I was prompted to make the following list, for your enjoyment:

THE TOP 5 THINGS PEOPLE CELEBRATE WAY TOO HARD ABOUT:

#5: GETTING TOLD TO "COME ON DOWN" ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT
I only first checked out Price Is Right because a good friend of mine from college happened to win a Malibu Hybrid on the show this past winter. Before that, I literally knew nothing about it. It was cool to see my girl on TV, but all I kept noticing was how much people lost their minds just to get called down. Really? You might literally be back off the stage in thirty seconds. Pump the brakes Betty Sue, you didn't win shit yet.

#4: TOTAL REQUEST LIVE
This one is more of a throwback than it is a current issue, although it still does apply to a multitude of live music video shows on TV (BET's 106 & Park). My only real memory of music videos actually being played on MTv is watching teenage girls out on the street go INSANE for about 2 seconds of facetime before and after commercials. Since it was broadcast from NYC, most of the year this involved standing in hail, rain, and/or snow. This always perplexed me. I've camped out in cold weather for Sox-Yankees tickets, but that at least had an (epic) payoff. But to have Carson Daily pseudo-glance at you? Really?

#3: THIS GUY
This is actually hilarious. I am not pretending for one moment that this doesn't get me to die laughing every time. Unfortunately, even if I did consider ping-pong to be an official sport (which I don't. I'm looking at you Olympic Committee) this is so far over the top even I would blush. And my latin-as-hell skin is physically incapable of doing so.

#2: WHEN YOUR 'JAM' COMES ON AT A PARTY/CLUB
For the first half of this school year, I was DJ'ing basement dance parties at my house almost weekly. On any given week, we'd have anywhere from 250-500 people come through. Even with these numbers, each party hit a bit of a lull before the drunk kicked in. Every DJ has that secret stash of songs that are 100% guaranteed going to get a party going, and I was no different. Legit, within the first three notes of this gem, every girl in the house would absolutely lose it. There is no hyperbole in that sentence. Abso-fucking-lutely lose it. iTunes, girls. Use it.


#1: FINDING OUT 'THE BABY ISN'T YOURS' ON MAURY
As awful as this is, I crack up every single time. The dances some of these guys pull out when the tests come back negative make my celebrations look like the Charleston. I mean, yeah I'm sure your stoked to not have an illegitimate child, but your SUPPOSED to not have an illegitimate child. You dodged a fucking bullet, you didn't hit the lottery (4:40 in). Next time just try NOT sleeping with the woman, then you can dance about your morals all day.